bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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