You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
