She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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