i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
