dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
