the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
