i think my mom watched the whole time
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
