Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
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I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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