I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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