just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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