i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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