I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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