They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just had sex on a roof
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
