She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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