i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."