Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that