Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
