but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
