just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
