i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
