so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
