Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
