Define "chronic" masturbator.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You took a bar mat shot.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
