Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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