happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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