They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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