i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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