i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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