Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
