this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize