Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
