I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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