The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
