so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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