I have demons in me.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
