South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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