brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
