She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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