i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
