He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
