Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
