I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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