its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
