Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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