Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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