Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
