yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
