The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
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So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
wow bdsm is so cute
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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