The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
