apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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