There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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