even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
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i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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