I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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