Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
