He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
