Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
