How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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