i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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