He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dignity is for republicans.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
